Confusion’s intuitive message

This just might change your whole outlook on the weirdest emotion ever

Soul (old man) disappointed, Ferdinand Hodler, 1891

Let’s run a hypothetical. You’ve been working at a job for a while, and within the last year or so, a low hum of dissatisfaction started to show up in the background of your mind. Nothing is wrong, per se, but something isn’t quite right. You’re not as excited as you used to be. People start to annoy you more easily, and you feel short and sharp when you’re asked to do anything extra.

One day, as you’re running late, you snap. Upset and sitting in your car, you can’t bring yourself to walk through the doors. You think something is wrong with you. Yet, somehow, you muster up the strength to walk in anyway. You do this force-yourself thing for a few more weeks, but realize there’s a feeling of disillusionment and maybe even despair coming forward, and you don’t even know why.

This is confusion, and it has a message. Most people try to numb this feeling or distract themselves from it. Don't. Your mind is working on something brilliant.

What confusion actually is

Feeling confused isn’t comfortable. Spend just five seconds in a confused state, and you might also experience its sidekick feels: disorientation, frustration, fearful anxiety, and fatigue.

What’s weirdest to me is that confusion is actually an emotion. Other emotions seem more obvious in how they express themselves. Anger. You get mad, fume, and eventually decide a better boundary is needed. Sadness. You cry, feel the weight, and come to understand that what you’re mourning really mattered to you. Fear triggers reactions that help you move forward with more caution.

But confusion on its own doesn’t have a set expression. It doesn’t even have a set facial expression that other emotions do (the furrowed brow and head tilt is more an expression of focused thought trying to work through the confusion than confusion itself). Anger, fear, sadness, disgust, and happiness all elicit responses that lead to some kind of action. Confusion does the opposite. It suspends action.

It hits the big ol’ pause button.

So how is that useful?

How emotions communicate

To get confusion’s message, we need to understand how emotions communicate in general.

All emotions exist on a spectrum. They vary in terms of intensity. One end of the spectrum will be very “loud” and chaotic for most emotions. Think about the unhinged versions of anger and disgust. Imagine the last time you saw someone so furious they lost control. They were probably getting loud and said some things. Or their anger churned on the inside, making it feel like a bomb was about to go off. Disgust can be just as intense. When someone is truly disgusted, their body reacts viscerally. Physical symptoms of disgust happen when you’re around or about to eat something rotten. Moral disgust is expressed similarly and can be just as big and visceral.

Emotional intelligence and emotional maturity bring us to the other end of the spectrum, where emotions are felt, worked with, understood, and managed effectively. And once that happens, the intuition (inner wisdom) of these emotions can come forward.

People tend to react to their emotions when they’re at their peak. Some make decisions from these peaks, too, which usually results in unintended consequences.

Imagine the last time you reacted from the height of anger or fear. Then you calmed down. The emotion had time to pass through you, and looking back, you realized your reaction-based decision was a little short-sighted.

Emotions are also terrible storytellers when they’re at their most intense. Whatever thoughts cross your mind when you're furious, devastated, disgusted, or terrified, you're viewing your world and everyone in it through a very narrow aperture of reality, not the full picture. The story will be skewed.

That's why letting an emotion run its course is so important. Once a big feel has made its way through your system, you can gain real insight into what’s happening with you afterward.

Anger says, “Create a better boundary.” Fear says, “Slow down, use caution.” Disgust’s message is “That’s not for you,” and confusion says, “Hey, something’s changing. Wait. A new pattern will emerge.”

Neat, right? Confusion can give us a bit of hope.

The two sides of confusion

That’s not to take away from the chaotic side of confusion, which can be formidable. Confusion’s sidekicks, like disorientation and frustration, can paint a picture that you’re completely off track, stuck, and being blocked from the direction you want to go. This is where big emotions tell some ridiculous stories, like “you’re a failure; you don’t know what you’re doing,” when that’s just not the case at all.

The mature side of confusion is saying, “A pattern is changing. Something new is emerging. Do not move. Do not act. Wait.”

Confusion and surprise occupy similar positions on the emotions wheel, but serve different purposes. Both are unexpected, but surprise is a short burst of “Hey! What was that!?” while confusion is a slow burn of “Hey…what’s going on here?” If confusion doesn't resolve for a while, the mind takes on a huge cognitive load, pressuring itself to figure it all out. You feel weighed down. Mystified and disillusioned.

Confusion is unavoidable. Life is full of unexpected twists and turns that give a sense of “Wow, I didn’t see that coming, and I don’t know what to expect next.” But the intuitive wisdom of confusion can remind us that we don’t have to have everything figured out at every turn. Sometimes, more information is needed to move forward, and the wait-and-do-nothing-yet strategy will result in a smoother transition into the new, rather than forcing progress and feeling frustrated while the new has yet to arrive.

What’s happening in your mind

Your brain is a treasure trove of information. You’ve been collecting 11 million bits of “data” per second since the day you took your first breath. Every like, dislike, preference, smell, sight, anticipation, pressure, pleasure, goal, or thought you’ve ever thunk is all stored in that beautiful noggin of yours. That’s an absurd amount of information, and we don’t really have an idea of the scale we’re talking about here. Try to imagine trillions of neural sparks flying, and it’ll start to look like not only the stars in the night sky getting lit up, but as if you have an entire universe between your ears. Wild, right?

When confusion strikes, as long as we can stay fairly unfazed by it and remember our intuitive wisdom, we’ll realize that confusion is signaling something simple, yet deeply encouraging: something is changing, and a new pattern is emerging. That new pattern can include anything from new ideas to a new direction, a new focus, new thought processes or mindset, a new confidence, discoveries about where you’re going, inspiration, and much more.

Remember, that new pattern is for you, by you, related to your life and your next best steps forward. You’re not stuck after all.

Your subconscious mind is always working behind the scenes to solve for harmony and your smoothest next step. Believe it or not, the mind doesn’t actually like inner turmoil. It will do whatever it can to return to equilibrium.

Some people can tell their mind before bed, ‘I’m confused about X. I’d like a solution by morning.’ And their subconscious provides an insight, an epiphany, or a next step, all worked out while they slept!

Whatever you’re confused about now, be boldly confident that a solution is being worked on by your brilliant mind, and that whatever insights emerge are going to be awesome. Because things are always turning out better than you expect.

What to do when confusion hits

Instead of trying to solve whatever is confusing you with a forced-entry kind of vibe, be patient with the feeling of confusion and try to bring it into a state of curiosity.

Curiosity is a mature version of confusion that knows your identity and sense of self is not being threatened; you’re just waiting for inspiration on your next best move.

Muddy waters always clear up when you leave them alone.

Trying to force a solution before your mind can come up with one will only increase the confusion. In the meantime, while it does its thing in the background, choose to make your world a bit smaller in scope. Don’t try to look at the entire picture of your life right now (you won’t see things clearly); instead, focus on smaller, more manageable, less think-y things, like physical activity, a hobby, or something that makes you feel like a kid again.

Inspired, fun, and joyful actions (rather than ruminating, pressured thoughts) will lead you out of confusion much more effectively.

The biggest message here is that you can trust your mind, intuition, and inner wisdom to always guide you forward toward your next best step. No brow-beating or overthinking required.

Your intuition, connected to the wealth of YOU stored in your subconscious mind, knows the exact way forward. Whenever confusion arises, it’s an opportunity to celebrate in advance whatever brilliant thing is about to emerge.

You’re going to get clarity. Might as well enjoy the ride.

Try this reframe:

"How exciting! I was feeling kind of blah about things, and I don't know what to do, so I'm going to focus less on the whole enchilada right now and instead on what feels inspired and joyful, because I know my mind is going to deliver my next best step once it's worked it out.

I can't wait to see what happens, because I know things are always working out better than I expect."

What do you think? I’d love to hear in the comments.